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Have you found yourself Googling, “How do I parent using positive discipline”? Scrolling through page after page, hoping to find the one thing you need to become the positive, effective parent you’ve always wanted to be.
We often look to strategies to try out on our kids to become the parents we’ve always wanted to be. However, in my 15-plus years of experience as a therapist and mother of 3, one thing that stands out as particularly transformative in becoming an effective parent is embracing and learning how to regulate yourself emotionally. Many parents embark on this journey of self-discovery, and I’m here to guide you through it.
In this blog post, you will explore why learning to embrace your emotional development as a parent is crucial for cooperation, connection, and relationship-building with your children. This will make you feel like the confident, effective parent you’ve always wanted to be. We’ll also explore some practical self-regulation strategies that are easy to understand and implement, empowering you to use them immediately.
Understanding and harnessing the power of emotional regulation can help you navigate the ups and downs of parenting challenges, cultivate resilience, and ultimately embark on a path toward growth and a strong bond with your children. It’s the missing piece on your parenting journey.
Whether you’ve never heard of emotional regulation or you get that your emotional regulation impacts your child’s ability to self-regulate, embracing this approach will empower you to be the parent you’ve always wanted to be.
First, what is the one thing you should embrace? It’s Emotional Self-Regulation.
Are you familiar with the emotional self-regulation we’re about to explore? If you’re not, don’t worry – we’re going to break it down.
In its simplest terms, emotional self-regulation is how we manage (not repress, ignore, or push down) our feelings when faced with stress and challenges. Picture it as our ability to ride or surf waves. Just as a skilled surfer navigates the waves, emotional self-regulation enables us to navigate the highs and lows of our emotions without completely shutting down.
For those with more experience with or understanding of emotional self-regulation, this translates to understanding that you are the sky, not the clouds. You are NOT your feelings; you can watch them as they pass. It’s like uncovering hidden shortcuts in a familiar landscape.
Now, imagine how integrating this approach can revolutionize your parenting journey. It’s a game-changer, resulting in less parental burnout and more connection and cooperation from your children.
Here are some key insights to consider:
Fact #1: Managing your feelings makes you more emotionally available to your children. When you’re calm and collected, you can respond to their needs with patience and empathy.
Fact #2: You are less likely to overreact to minor situations, and there are many of those in parenting kids. By staying composed, you can handle challenges gracefully and model effective problem-solving skills for your children.
Fact #3: You are seen as an influencer to your children, not because of power and control but because of your consistency, availability, and presence. Your child thinks, “Wow, that is a person I want on my team and want to listen to.”
Embrace these insights as we explore the transformative power of Emotional Self-regulation.
How You Can Use Parent Emotional Self-Regulation As Your Superpower
You might think, “Sure, but I don’t have a ‘gentle’ kid; can it work for me?” The answer is a resounding yes! Especially if you have a challenging kiddo.
Let me share how you can start implementing emotional self-regulation to achieve having your child listen and cooperate as well as have a stronger bond with your child:
When I began my journey with emotional self-regulation, I was in a similar boat as you. I don’t have “gentle” kids, and I kept thinking there was something seriously wrong with them. I need to send them to someone. They need help. It’s nothing I’m doing. I’m a therapist, and I’ve worked in schools. I’ve read all of the books. Enter realizing that I had to look at my behavior and embrace my emotional development as a parent. It wasn’t an overnight transformation, but implementing this approach gradually revolutionized my life.
Positive change #1: My kids began to stop and listen when I spoke and then cooperate. They came to me with their problems instead of hiding or running away.
Positive change #2: My kids’ behavior changed because I had stopped snapping, judging, criticizing, and labeling them. I didn’t realize that before, by snapping and yelling, I was killing their motivation to change their behavior.
Positive Change #3: I cultivated a sense of agency. I stopped feeling like I could do nothing to impact my kids’ behavior. By focusing on my emotional regulation, I became a more effective guide for my children, helping them navigate their emotions and behaviors in a healthier way.
By implementing emotional self-regulation, you can transform your parenting journey, regardless of your child’s temperament. It starts with embracing your emotional development and being open to change.
Implement Effective Parenting in 8 Actionable Steps
Let’s break it down into actionable steps you can implement right away:
- Adopt a Growth Mindset: Understand that emotional self-regulation is a journey, not a destination. Embrace the idea that you can learn and grow as a parent, regardless of past experiences or challenges.
- Rethink Misbehaviors: Shift your perspective on misbehaviors. Recognize that behavior is not random; it’s a form of communication. Reframing misbehaviors as opportunities to understand your child’s needs allows you to access empathy and respond more effectively.
- Listen to Your Body: Your body often signals your emotions before your mind does. When you feel overwhelmed or flooded with emotions, engage in physical activities to regulate your nervous system. Try jumping up and down or lying down with your feet up against a wall to help calm your body and mind.
- Harness the Power of Breathing: Breathing is the remote control of the brain. When you encounter triggers or stressful situations, pause and take deep breaths to activate your body’s relaxation response. Remember, few things in parenting are emergencies, so take a moment to breathe so you can respond instead of react.
- Speak Kindly to Yourself: Treat yourself with the kindness and compassion you would offer a friend. When faced with challenges, speak to yourself in the third person with encouraging words like, “You’ve got this.” This shift in self-talk can boost your confidence and resilience.
- Prioritize Vulnerability and Connection: Surround yourself with supportive relationships where you can be authentic. Prioritize friendships and family connections that allow deep, meaningful conversations beyond surface-level interactions. Embracing vulnerability fosters connection and emotional well-being.
- Embrace Balance and Moderation: Make balance and moderation core values in your life. Learn to say “no” when your plate is too full and prioritize activities that bring joy and fulfillment. You can avoid burnout and maintain emotional equilibrium by setting boundaries and respecting your limits.
- Live Aligned with Your Values: Identify your core values as a parent and strive to align with them daily. Practice gratitude for the small moments and achievements, and reflect on how your actions align with your values. Living authentically and intentionally enhances emotional well-being and strengthens your parenting journey.
Challenge yourself to implement at least one of these steps before the end of the day. I love hearing from you; email me here to let me know which step you’ve chosen.
Empower Your Journey Towards Becoming the Parent You Always Wanted to Become
As we wrap up our exploration of embracing parent self-regulation, I want to leave you with one powerful message: You can shape your parenting journey and create a positive, nurturing environment for your children, regardless of past experiences or challenges.
From adopting a growth mindset to prioritizing vulnerability and connection, you now have the tools you need to feel like an effective parent. By embracing emotional self-regulation, you can cultivate stronger relationships with your children, navigate parenting challenges gracefully, and create a loving and supportive home environment.
Schedule a free consultation today and learn more about how therapy can help you navigate the ups and downs of parenting with confidence and resilience. Together, we’ll explore practical strategies to enhance emotional regulation, strengthen your parent-child relationships, and empower you to become the parent you’ve always wanted to be. Don’t let challenges hold you back from creating a positive and nurturing home environment for your family. Take the first step towards a brighter parenting journey today.
Schedule a callRemember, building a stronger relationship with your child is never too late. With each small step, you make a meaningful difference in your child’s life and empower yourself to be the parent you’ve always wanted.
